Pause & Prioritize: Mastering Work-Life Balance, Self-Care, and Thriving Relationships NOW!

Every day is unpredictable. No one could deny that. Does knowing it give you license to refrain from making plans to get up in the morning, pull back the sheets and prepare for work? Does the knowledge of the lack of certainty in waking up in the morning shine as an exit sign on your responsibilities as a parent, lover, spouse, caretaker or the like? Then why do we often whisper sweet impossibilities into our lives when it’s time to plan time for ourselves?

These are not questions to make you think hard or bang your head in shame against a wall. More so, they are simply thoughts that tickle my frontal lobe whenever I have a client murmur that he or she can’t take time out for themselves because of the million and one things that occurred in their day or that might come up because of the nature of their profession and current duties to humanity. Although my coaching style is no less than direct and framed with the best intentions to deliver the message with gentle honesty, it often rolls off my tongue in a manner like this:

1. The time you just took to complain about your lack was time you could have used to add to your supply. If you can make time to tell me you don’t have time then you in fact have time. Often people will perseverate on what they don’t have, how life is unfair and how no one understands. What they don’t realize is that they just flooded precious moments with enough negative force to level a building when they could have literally paused for those 3 minutes or so and used them to meditate and re-center.

2. What’s really important to you? I ask each one of my clients to define the difference between what’s important verses what they feel is urgent. Often, they will list family, a spiritual center and health at the top of their important list and every single task they have to do falls under the urgent side of the task sheet. If that’s the case, why do the urgent task get crossed off weeks or often months before you tend to the important side of your life…? Perhaps you have your priorities mixed up!

3. Stop justifying your excuses. Really, this is one of the most pronounced statements I must make with clients who are young and wise (I don’t call anyone old). As humans, we are just full of them! Excuses, excuses, and more excuses. We will find a back door out of the back yard if you allow us to. Of course you have a pile of work to do, babies to feed, pets to care for, parents to aid and committees to run. Who doesn’t it? You have the same 168 hours per week that I have so what makes you so special that you can’t take 90 minutes or so once/week for yourself?

4. You’re being selfish (the old definition)! While you justify your lack of attention to the one person you actually have control over, your body, spirit and mind is being consistently depleted. Once you run out of gas-then what? Now you succumb to the old patriarchal definition of selfishness by wanting your family to pause their life to take care of your ailing, failing, uncomfortable body, right? Oh no, you wouldn’t do that to them because you’re too good of a person. Instead, you will work yourself into an early grave and feel-good knowing that you left them with a ton of bills, disorganized files you never had a chance to manage and an unusually long list of questions and lessons they were never able to ask you. SPOILER ALERT, the goal here is to actually be intentionally selfish-the new reclaimed and empowered definition, by taking time for yourself to refuel, creating time blocks to better manage your time, getting external expertise (yes you are brilliant (and) you should have a team of other brilliant people to support you), and making more space for intimacy with yourself and those that matter not just those that are the loudest via their proximity to you!

5. What nonsense do you speak? Notice that when you run off a list of cant’s, not’s or don’t haves that there is a familiar pattern for the listener to stare at you with an unknowing glare and occasionally suck their teeth in disgust. Oh no, maybe that’s just what I do. Listen, life is short, and the day gets shorter with each passing minute. Consider that you will need to carve out time–whatever time frame works for your life and your balance-so that you can refuel and re-center. It’s an important and honestly an inevitable part of your evolution if you plan to stick around long enough for life to show you what’s important. If you’re tired of making excuses and justifying your cants, then I have a few suggestions:

>>> Meditate for 3-5 minutes before you eat your lunch. By taking a moment to calm your mind and slowdown your body energy from the high pace you just ran through the morning of marathon meetings, you will open the flow of energy through your body and be able to enjoy and digest your whole 15-minute lunch easier

>>> Participate in a networking or social event once per month that is strictly for personal development. Let the professional cards, calls and connections fall where they may. Your focus should be solely to enjoy a new environment with people that share your flare for wine, music, tennis, old movies, or comedy. Whatever flights your fancy-enjoy!

>>> Park the car and take a stroll. There will always be those days, the ones you wish you could do over. Your boss was unreasonable, your peers didn’t understand, or your employees looked through you as if you had 10 heads. It’s inevitable! Concentrate on what you do have control over. In the moment, you can take a walk. Whether it’s around the block, through the parkway or around your local drive-just go (15minuteswill do it). No heavy laptop bags or briefcases allowed!

>>> Pull back from your normal regimen. Perhaps you are stuck in a rut, and you can’t get out. You may need to flip things on their head for a moment and purposely alter your schedule for one or two days to shake things up. Try doing simple things like eating breakfast dinner, taking a 15-minute nap at lunchtime (right after you eat your half-sandwich and medium size apple).

>>> Stay hydrated. This sounds like common sense but it’s often an element that is often ignored. When you are dehydrated (as many of us are) your body is fatigued, the mind gets cloudy, and your reflexes are not nearly as sharp as they should be. If you do nothing else, pause at least 8-10 times per day for 2 minutes and take in 6-8 ounces of water, tea or other clear non-sugar (nor sugar substitute) laden drink. Your organs will thank me!